I’m happy, i’m extatic, in one moment one little thing can change how i have felt an entire day, or even week, or month, or year.

I get upset about the littlest things.I just want to not let things get to me.I want to be happy forever.I have a boyfriend who treats me better than i have ever seen someone treat another person, i have everything i could ask for.I’m spoiled as hell,not even gonna lie.I get everything i want.And i still want more.I want happiness.The littlest things set me off into depression phases for long periods of time, even weeks sometimes.I’m insane.

It’s hard to find love at my age.It’s hard to find love at all.And i have it.And i’m so lucky for that.It is almost Me and Gregg’s 11 month.I couldn’t be more excited.Yet i’m still not happy.Gregg is working on things, trying to fix things, i can’t get over the past.

Grudges,oh god.My biggest flaw is not being able to let go of things.I get lost in my own mind thinking about all of the horrible things from my past.I should be happy with how my life is now.But i’m not.All i think about are the miserable things i have been through.And it’s stupid.I have a fabulous life.I have everything a girl my age could wish for.I’d be a bitch if i wanted more in my life,but i do.I should be so fucking happy.I need to learn to get over the past,yet i can’t.I’ll be fine for a while not thinking about things..and one small thing can trigger all of these emotions and it drives me crazy.I get upset over nothing.I cry randomly for no reason, i get mad at people for the stupidest things.I yell at people about nothing.No wonder i lose all of my friends.I want to keep my friends for once.None of you leave me,please.

I know Gregg would never leave me no matter what.I just know he wouldn’t,he cares about me more than anything, and i feel the same about him.I don’t show it sometimes, but i love Gregg more than anything and i would honestly die for him.He means the world to me,and i want to be with him forever.I love you so much.

But my other friends..they come in and out of my life like it doesn’t hurt..but it does.If i wanted to i could name all of the friends who have just walked out on me.I want to keep the friends i have now, they are pretty great.Just tell me you’re here to stay,okay?

Oh my god, i would do anything to just keep myself happy.Gregg makes me happy,my friends make me happy,but i want to be happy,and stay happy.I have a great life, and i’m so lucky for that.I’m going to try and start looking on the bright side of things,instead of sitting here WANTING happiness.I’m going to have happiness.I just need to stop wallowing.This will be hard,but i can do it.